Danny's heartache for Lindsay
by sarahandbullseye
Summary: Danny has to cope to life without Lindsay and manage to take care of Lucy at the same time.
1. Chapter 1

"Shane Casey, we're coming in," Detective Don Flack yelled.

Flack kicked the door with so much force it went down, shots were fired at them. Detectives Danny Messer, Lindsay Messer, and Don Flack collapsed to the floor, barely dodging the bullets that Shane Casey shot.

"He went out the window," Danny yelled.

"I'll call for back up, we don't want to mess with a serial killer like him alone," Flack said.

They all sprang out the window in pursuit of him. Danny was right behind Casey, Lindsay was a little farther behind, and Flack hung back while he called for backup. Lindsay was running to catch up to Danny, her husband and colleague, when out of the blue one of Casey's partners cuts her off. Lindsay puts the brakes on as fast as she could so she didn't run into him. She knew she was grave danger, knowing full well that he wouldn't hesitate to shoot a cop chasing him. Three shots are fired, Flack starts running faster after hearing the shots, when he turns the corner and sees Lindsay. She's lying on the cold hard asphalt covered in blood. He starts running so fast, it feels like he's flying trying to get to Lindsay to make sure she's ok.

"Danny! Danny!" Flack yelled desperately.

Danny up ahead hears Flack yelling his name desperately; he abandons the chase on Casey, thinking maybe he got hurt. He sees her lying on the ground, Flack kneeling next to her. Danny's face turns as white as a ghost; he knew this day might come, where either he or Lindsay got shot. He runs to her and skids to her side.

"Lindsay, are you ok?" Danny asked.

Just then he sees a bullet in her bullet proof vest, a bullet in her leg, and one where her shoulders meet her neck. He doesn't know if it hit a major vein or artery.

"I've already called an ambulance, they should be here in a minute," Flack told Danny.

"Ok, thanks Don,"

"No problem, anything to save my friends life," Flack said, barely getting the last part out.

"Danny, you should have kept chasing Casey," Lindsay said.

"I don't care if he gets away. I would stop chasing anybody to make sure my wife is ok,"

"Call me Montana again, I miss that you don't call me that anymore,"

Danny smiles a little at the nickname he gave Lindsay when she first got to the crime lab.

"Ok Montana, you're going to be ok, don't worry,"

The ambulance arrives; they load Lindsay in on the stretcher, Flack and Danny then hop in.

"You're going to be ok, Montana," Danny keeps telling Lindsay, even though he knows she might not be ok, because she has lost a lot of blood already. She's starting to go in and out of consciousness. When they get to the hospital, they rush Lindsay into surgery. Right when they were pulling Danny away from the stretcher he said "I love you." Lindsay weakly replied "I love you too."

**I hope you enjoyed it!**

**Please comment on the story!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Good-Bye Lindsay**

Flack basically had to drag Danny to the waiting room. Danny was surprised and amazed when he saw the whole team in the waiting room, Mac, Stella, Hawks, Adam, and Sid, he went in and hugged them all.

"We wanted to be here for you and Lindsay," Mac said.

They were waiting for what seemed like an eternity, when finally Danny saw a tired looking doctor come into the waiting room. Danny stopped pacing, so he could meet the doctor half way.

"Is she alright, doctor?" Danny asked.

"I'm sorry to tell you this, but Lindsay didn't make it," the doctor said.

Danny froze with fear when he heard his one true love, Lindsay had died. He didn't know how he would tell Lucy, but most importantly he didn't know how he would deal with it. The whole team was behind Danny to give him support. Flack was behind Danny, Flack had been Danny's best friend ever since he started working at the NYPD Crime Lab. Flack started patting Danny,

"I'm so sorry Danny; I really thought she would make it,"

Danny just broke down crying, nobody had seen Danny cry except for Mac, but he didn't care, it hit him like he just got run over by a freight train. Danny collapsed crying the whole time, but Flack caught him before he hit the floor. Flack sat down and held him while he cried; he wanted to be there for Danny no matter what it was. He was thinking about all the love he had for Lindsay, and how he was going to deal with losing her. He thought about her light brown wavy hair, her magnificent blue eyes, her outstanding smile, and her jaw dropping, heart pounding, beautiful good looks.

**Two Months Later**

Breathing hard and sweating Danny woke up after a nightmare of the shooting and the day that Lindsay died. He grabbed his glasses from the night stand and the first thing he looks at is Lindsay's picture. He starts crying silently to himself, while looking at her picture. Lucy was taking Lindsay's death pretty good, since she still isn't really old enough to understand fully. Danny on the other hand… he was taking Lindsay's death really hard. He missed her so much, he missed the love they had for each other, and most of all he missed spending time with her and laughing with her. Most nights he cried himself to sleep, the other nights he doesn't really sleep, if he does most of the time he has nightmares waking with sweat rolling down his face and the sheets soaked around him with sweat. Danny decides to get up; today will be his first day back at work since Lindsay died. He was going to try to make it through the day; he didn't know how he would handle walking into the lab and see the empty hallways where Lindsay used to walk down. He looks through his messy room for a clean pair of clothes, but their all dirty. He picks up a shirt and smells it and sprays cologne on it. He knew he needed to do laundry soon. He walks into the kitchen and sees the dirty dishes piling up in the sink. He needs to start cleaning but lately he didn't feel like cleaning lately.

"Good Morning, Daddy," Lucy said groggily.

"Hey sweetie, what are you doing up so early," Danny asked, although she was usually up right after him, especially lately.

"I heard you up, and I wanted to ask you a question before you left for work," Lucy said

"What is that?" Danny asked.

"Why did mom have to go to heaven?" Lucy asked.

"Remember what I told you, the angels wanted to meet her and get to know her," Danny said, swiping away a tear that escaped his eye.

"I know, but I still miss her," Lucy said.

"I know, I do too," Danny said.

I hope you enjoyed it!

Please comment, Constructive Criticism is encouraged!

I will update soon, I hope you will keep reading on, I plan on having more.


	3. Dealing

**Dealing**

"Listen Luc, I'm going back to work today so Grandma is going to come by and take care of you while I'm gone," Danny said.

"Yeah, Grandma's coming," Luc said excitedly.

"You need to be on your best behavior, ok?" Danny said.

"I will I promise."

Lindsay's mom knocked on the door about half an hour later.

"How are you doing, Danny?" Lindsay's mom asked.

"I'm fine," Danny said quickly, "Thank you for still taking care of Lucy even though Lindsay isn't here anymore," He winced a little.

"No problem, she's still my granddaughter, have fun at work. Wait, Are you sure you're ok?"

"Yea, I'm fine," Danny said quickly.

"You don't look fine," Lindsay's mom said.

"Just drop it ok, I'm going to work. Love you Luc."

"Love you too, daddy," Lucy yelled back at him.

Danny rode his motorcycle to work, on the way he started thinking about Lindsay. He started crying silently to himself, missing Lindsay being with him all the time.

Danny remembered the day she died like it was yesterday.

_(Flashback to the day Lindsay died)_

_After Danny left the hospital, he was completely exhausted. He could barely keep his red rimmed eyes open. His tear streaked face was proof that he had been crying all afternoon. He remembered that he had to go pick Lucy up from Lindsay's mom house. He took out his phone and dialed her number._

"_Listen, there's been a change of plans, is it ok if you bring Lucy to the house. I have to tell you something really important."_

"_Ok, are you ok?" Lindsay's mom asked._

"_Yeah I just really need to tell you something."_

"_Ok, I'll be right over."_

_Half an hour later she knocked on the apartment door .Danny answered the door._

"_Lucy, can you stay in here while I talk to grandma in the hall?"_

"_Ok Daddy."_

_Danny closes the door._

"_Is everything ok?" Lindsay's mom asks._

"_I have to tell you something," Danny said, barely holding himself together, "I don't know how to put this. Lindsay…"_

"_Oh my god, Lindsay's hurt isn't she?"_

"_Yes"_

"_What hospital is she at?" her mom asks._

"_Lindsay… she's…dead." Danny broke down crying all over again. "I'm so sorry, we were chasing a guy and he shot her. We got her to the hospital as fast as we could, but it was too late. I'm so sorry."_

"_She's dead? How can she be dead?" Lindsay's mom slid down the wall and started crying. Danny did the same, but on the other side of the hallway. After Lindsay's mom calmed down a little, she asked Danny_

"_How are you going to tell Lucy?" _

"_I don't know, I haven't figured that out yet, I just found out she was dead, then I had to figure out how to tell you. This is going to be nothing compared to telling Lucy. I know it will just break her heart. I hope she is still a little too young to really comprehend the information. I'm so stupid I should have let her chase such a dangerous person, it's my entire fault. If it wasn't for me she would still be alive." Danny says, weeping uncontrollably._

"_Don't go there Danny, It's not your fault and don't even think that. It was a complete accident. She knew her job was dangerous always chasing criminals anyway, I told her not to become a CSI but she insisted. She told me she couldn't give it up for anything because she loved it so much," Lindsay's mom said._

"_Well, she was really good at what she did. If it wasn't for her becoming a CS, Aiden getting fired, and her moving from Montana from here, I would have never met her and fell in love with her," Danny said, calming down._

"_Ok, well let's go tell Lucy together," Lindsay's mom says._

"_Ok"_

_(Flashback ends)_

"HOOOONK!"

Danny swerves his motorcycle to barely avoid hitting a truck. He was too busy remembering the day Lindsay died that he wasn't paying attention to the road. He got to the lab's parking garage and parked his motorcycle in a spot. He got on the elevator and hit the 35th floor button; while he was going up he had to dry his tears and try to clear his red rimmed eyes, so it wouldn't be obvious he was just crying. He stepped off the elevator. When he got off the elevator and walked into the lab for the first time in two months, he was flooded with emotions. He's excited and happy to be back in the lab and see his friends again, but on the other hand he is really sad because he knows he won't see Lindsay in here anymore. He went straight to Mac's Office. He knocked on the door and Mac said,

"Come in, Danny."

"How do you feel on your first day back?" Mac asked.

"Good," Danny said as best as he could through the big lump in his throat.

* * *

><p>Sorry it took so long for me to update a new chapter. Reviews Welcome! Constructive Criticism is encouraged! Hope you like it!<p> 


	4. Chapter 4

"Where do you need me boss?" Danny asked.

"Danny, are you sure you're ready to go out in the field so quickly,"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Are you sure? I wasn't so sure if you should have come back to the lab so soon after…" Mac trails off.

"…Lindsay died" finishing Mac's sentence, squirming a little.

"Well, if you want you can go help Stella process a scene. There's a DB on 22nd Street,"

"OK, let me go get my kit and I'll be on my way."

Danny left Mac's office to go to get his kit, then leave. Meanwhile, Mac called Stella.

"Detective Bonasera" Stella answers

"Listen, it's Mac, Danny is coming to help you," Mac said.

"Ok, I didn't realize he was coming back yet," Stella says a little confused.

"He called me up about a week ago and told me he wanted to come back to work. I tried to convince him to stay home a little longer, but he didn't want to listen."

"Stubborn as usual," Stella said.

"I don't think he's ready to come back, I just think he can't sit in his apartment all day thinking of Lindsay and seeing the department therapist. I think he just needs to work to keep him busy,"

"Yea, that's probably it. So, I shouldn't say anything about Lindsay, right?" Stella asked.

"Right, I talked about her some, but he squirmed a lot every time I said her name. He doesn't really seem like the same happy, loveable, joking Danny he used to be before Lindsay died."

"I think that's because Lindsay made him happier. I noticed that after they got married he was really happy, but I guess that just shows how much he loved her," Stella says.

"I noticed that too," Mac agrees.

"I need to let you go, Danny is pulling up right now, bye," Stella says.

When she hangs up, Danny is walking over to her.

"Hey Danny, Mac just called and told me you were coming. "

"Yeah, I'm finally back at work," Danny said.

"You know Danny, I was thinking, and I think it would be a good idea if you brought Lucy to the lab sometime. Mac already said it would be ok," Stella said.

"Sure, that would be a great idea, I'll bring her tomorrow," Danny says a little excited.

Danny slowly finished the work day on Auto Pilot. He got home, sent Lindsay's mom home, and told Lucy she was going to the lab tomorrow.

"Awesome, I love going to the lab,"

"Get some sleep," Danny told Lucy.

"Ok, good night daddy, love you," Lucy said.

"Love you too," Danny said.

Lucy woke up extra early to make sure she was ready when Danny was. Danny got to the lab with Lucy and told her "Go say hi to Aunt Stella, while I go and put some stuff up, ok,"

"OK," Lucy said excitedly.

"Hey, Luc, I haven't seen you in so long, you've grown so much since the last time I saw you," Stella said.

"Hi, Aunt Stella," Lucy said barely containing her excitement.

"Let's go in my office," Stella said.

"Ok," Lucy said.

"How is your dad doing?" Stella asks Lucy.

"He tells me he's doing fine, but…" Lucy trails off.

"But what?" Stella asks.

"If I tell you, you won't tell daddy right?" Lucy asks.

"I won't tell him,"

"Pinky promise"

"Pinky Promise," Stella agreed.

"Well, he tells me he's doing fine, but I know he isn't. I notice things and he doesn't realize I know,"

"What do you mean?" Stella asks.

"I see him at night, he hardly ever sleeps and when he does, I hear him from my room. He yells mom's name and I go and see what's wrong. I see him in his bed covered in sweat and tossing and turning. Also, I noticed that sometimes he leaves after I go to bed and doesn't come home until early in the morning stumbling around and smells like alcohol. I've noticed he started drinking more after mom died. Sometimes in the middle of the night I tiptoe to his room to make sure he's ok and sometimes I see him sitting on the floor and crying uncontrollably, but he never notices I'm there," Lucy tells Stella in confidence.

"Wait, he started drinking?" Stella asks Lucy.

"Yes,"

"It was right after-

"Hey Luc, I put the stuff up, let's go visit some people," Danny interrupts Stella.

"Ok, bye Aunt Stella," Lucy says.

"Bye Luc," Stella says.

"Well, I need to talk to Mac anyway," Stella says almost to herself.

Stella knocks on Mac's office door.

"Come in," Mac says.

"Mac, I really need to talk to you," Stella says kind of urgently.


	5. Chapter 5

Mac pauses what he's doing when he hears how urgent Stella's voice is. Mac looks up eyeing Stella.

"What's wrong?" Mac asks Stella

"I was talking to Lucy, and she told me something kind of troubling."

"What did she tell you?"

"She told me that… Danny started drinking after Lindsay died"

"What? She did?" Mac asked in complete disbelief.

"Danny doesn't know she told me," Stella said

"I'll talk to him later today, after he takes Lucy home" Mac tells Stella.

"Good, I just thought I would tell you" Stella says.

"Thank you for telling me. Hopefully we can help him before it gets too serious. "

Four hours later, when Danny gets back to the lab after taking Lucy home, Mac calls Danny into his office.

"You wanted to see me Mac"

"Yes, I did, have a seat"

"Ok," Danny sits down, a little nervous about what Mac wants to talk about.

"There's no easy way to say this, so I'm just going to say it. When Lucy was talking to Stella, she told Stella something very interesting and troubling."

"What did she say?"

"She said that you started drinking after Lindsay died," Mac said looking at Danny, waiting for a response.

Danny looks at his hands in his lap; he can't bear to look at Mac. "She did?"

"Yes, she did."

"I didn't even know she knew." Danny says so quietly, it's almost to himself

"Well, she notices more than you think."

"She pays close attention to detail. She learned that from Lindsay and I. She said she wanted to become a CSI one day."

"I'm sure she would make a great one. About your drinking, why did you start drinking Danny?"

"I don't know, mostly because it made me not think about Lindsay's death as much. It made me think about the guilt a lot less, and how I'm going to live without her. I'm so lost Mac, and I don't know how to find my way. I know I need to do it fast because Lucy's depending on me, but I don't know how."

Mac got up from behind his desk and sat on the couch next to Danny

"When Claire died, it was really difficult for me to get over it. How I got over it is I took it one day at a time. I got out of bed every morning... breathe in and out all day long. Then, after a while I won't have to remind myself to get out of bed every morning and breathe in and out... and, then after a while, I won't have to think about how I had it great and perfect for a while. It takes a long time to get over it, even today when I think about her it still stings a little."

"I know, but I don't know how to begin to get over her."

"The first thing you need to do is stop drinking. Drinking doesn't make anything better, if anything it makes it worse. Remember when Angel died and Don started to drink? He started skipping work and he got in fights when he was drunk, it made the situation worse when he started drinking. After, he stopped; he started to cope with it. You especially can't start drinking because of Lucy, Lucy needs you Danny, now more than ever."

Danny finally looked up at Mac "You're right, I need to stop drinking and getting my life back together."

"And Danny, one more thing," Mac said a little cautiously

"Yes?" Danny asked

"Lucy also told Stella that you were having nightmares."

"She notices everything, doesn't she?"

"Don't worry, that's normal. It happened to me too."

"How long does it last?" Danny asked.

"It depends on the person. It lasted a few months for me"

"Hopefully it won't last too long. I hate it."

"Don't worry, I did too." Mac said smiling a little and knowing that Danny will eventually be ok.


End file.
